Navigating the Holidays with an Anxious Attachment Style

The holiday season is a time of joy, connection, and celebration, but for those with an anxious attachment style, it can also be fraught with challenges. Family gatherings, shifting schedules, and heightened emotions can trigger feelings of insecurity, doubt, and emotional overwhelm. If you often find yourself navigating a whirlwind of emotions during the holidays, you are not alone. Let’s explore why this season can be particularly difficult for individuals with anxious attachment and what you can do to cope more effectively while still enjoying the festivities.

Why Holidays Are Harder for Those with Anxious Attachment

1. Heightened Expectations Around Connection

Holidays are often portrayed as times of perfect connection and harmony. Movies, advertisements, and social media all depict idyllic scenes of togetherness. For someone with an anxious attachment style, these images can amplify the fear of not being loved or valued. If you don’t feel like you’re experiencing the same level of connection or closeness, it can trigger self-doubt and worries about your relationships.

2. Unpredictable Schedules and Interactions

Anxiously attached individuals often thrive on consistency and reassurance. The holiday season, with its packed calendars, travel plans, and last-minute changes, can feel chaotic. The unpredictability can make it harder to feel grounded, leaving you more susceptible to attachment triggers and less able to access your coping mechanisms. 

3. Family Dynamics

Family gatherings can bring up unresolved attachment wounds. Interacting with relatives who may have contributed to these wounds or who struggle to understand your needs can be emotionally taxing. Old patterns of feeling unseen or misunderstood may resurface, adding to the emotional strain.

4. Pressure to Be Happy

The societal expectation to feel cheerful and festive can make it hard to express more complex emotions. If you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or disconnected, you may also feel guilty for not being “joyful enough.” This pressure can deepen feelings of inadequacy or isolation.

How to Cope More Effectively During the Holidays

The good news is that you can navigate the holiday season with greater ease and even enjoy it more fully by adopting a few intentional strategies. Here are some ways to support yourself:

1. Set Realistic Expectations

Remind yourself that the idealized version of the holidays you see in movies or on social media isn’t realistic for most people. Real-life holidays come with their share of messiness, misunderstandings, and imperfect moments. Set realistic expectations for your connections and focus on the small, meaningful interactions rather than striving for a flawless experience.

2. Identify and Prepare for Triggers

Take some time to reflect on what typically triggers your anxiety during the holidays. Is it a particular family member’s comments? The fear of being left out of plans? Once you identify your triggers, you can create a coping plan. For example, if certain conversations tend to upset you, practice boundary-setting phrases like, “I’d prefer to focus on more positive topics,” or plan a short break when things feel overwhelming.

3. Prioritize Self-Care

During the hustle and bustle of the season, it’s easy to put your own needs last. Make self-care a priority by setting aside time for activities that help you feel calm and grounded. Whether it’s a morning walk, journaling, deep breathing exercises, or simply taking a few minutes to yourself, these practices can help regulate your emotions and reduce anxiety.

4. Communicate Your Needs

Don’t assume others will automatically know what you need. If you’re craving more reassurance or connection, express it directly and kindly. For instance, you could say to your partner, “I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything going on. Could we spend some quality time together later?” Clear communication can strengthen your relationships and ease your anxiety.

5. Create New Traditions

If old traditions feel triggering or unfulfilling, consider creating new ones that bring you joy and meaning. This could be as simple as making a favorite meal, watching a comforting movie, or volunteering in your community. New traditions can give you a sense of control and create positive associations with the holidays.

6. Lean on a Support System

Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe, valued, and understood. Whether it’s a trusted friend, therapist, coach, or support group, having someone to talk to can make a world of difference. They can help you process your feelings and remind you that you are not alone.

7. Practice Gratitude and Mindfulness

Anxious thoughts often pull you into a cycle of worry about the past or future. Mindfulness practices can help anchor you in the present moment. Try to notice the sights, sounds, and smells of the season and appreciate the small joys. Keeping a gratitude journal can also shift your focus to the positives, even amidst challenges.

Finding Joy Amidst the Challenges

While navigating the holidays with an anxious attachment style can be challenging, it’s also an opportunity to grow in self-awareness and practice self-compassion. By preparing for triggers, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your needs, you can reduce stress and create moments of connection and joy.

Remember, it’s okay to have a mix of emotions during the holidays. You are allowed to feel anxious, hopeful, overwhelmed, and content all at once. Give yourself permission to experience the season in a way that feels authentic to you. With intentionality and care, this holiday season can be a time of healing and connection—both with others and yourself.

If you’re looking for more guidance on your healing journey, consider downloading my ✨ free anxious attachment healing guide here ✨. It includes an attachment quiz, a four-step healing guide, and journal prompts to help you reflect and grow.

Additionally, if you’re ready to take a deeper dive, check out my self-paced digital course, Anxious to Secure: Healing Your Anxious Attachment. This course is designed to guide you through the process of understanding and healing your attachment wounds, equipping you with the tools you need to cultivate secure relationships. 

About the Author

Hannah Dorsher, MA, LPC, NCC, CAT, EMDR is a Therapist and Relationship & Attachment Coach in Fort Collins, CO who specializes in helping those struggling with anxiety, self-esteem, toxic/unhealthy relationships, attachment issues, break ups, and trauma. I provide therapy with clients in CO and FL, and I provide attachment coaching for dating, marriage & motherhood to clients across the globe!! Check out my Anxious Attachment course: Anxious to Secure—Healing Your Anxious Attachment—here.